


BBQ

by TieflingBoi



Series: modern cglre nein [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dick Jokes, Modern AU, Mollymauk Lives Fest, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nonbinary Mollymauk Tealeaf, Polynein (Critical Role), Sexual Jokes, Sharing a Bath, Suburbia, but only mentioned in this one, i prolly spelt beau wrong a bunch of times, mollymauk/caleb centric but they be dating everyone, sorry- but not sorry enough to proof read more than once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 18:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20934665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TieflingBoi/pseuds/TieflingBoi
Summary: Living in a stereotypical suburban neighbourhood means having to be nice to the neighbours. Which means having a bbq and having to answer questions from your neighbours beacuse you're in a polycule and everyones pretty queer.





	BBQ

**Author's Note:**

> yeahhhh im back lol this is probably terrible but it was good to write something again

“How about we tell them that we’ve all caught the flu and its very contagious” Nott suggested, trailing after Jester carrying a plate of fruit to the back garden. 

“No, we need to get to know the neighbours Nott!” 

“Why?”    
  
“Because they think we’re weird!”    
  
“In their defence,” Bou said, placing a pitcher of lemonade on the table, “we are pretty weird.” 

“And I don’t think I barbeque will change that,” Fjord grunted out he cleaned out the grill.

“Ja,” Caleb joined the group leaning against Jester as she wrapped her arms around him, “But I think Jester is right, we are the ones that decided to move into a close-knit community, they will think we are weird either way, we just need to get them to like us.” 

Bau snorted, “Yeah because we’re so likeable.”

Molly stalked up behind her, tapping her opposite shoulder as they walked past, “well I’m a delight, “ they squinted at her for a second, “you, however, well we may need to lock you in the basement with all the other monstrosities against creation.” 

“Go suck a dick.” 

“Oh, just one? But I have two to choose from!” They wiggled their eyebrows at Caleb and Fjord, who ignored the exchange. “Well, three if I stretch really well beforehand.” 

“They’re gonna run us out with pitchforks,” Nott muttered. 

~   
  


The first of the guests arrived, a lovely cishet human couple, smiling in the midday sun as they knocked on the door, the wife with a hand sitting comfortably over her swollen belly. 

Pleasantries were exchanged and before long most of the street was in the Neins backyard. Despite the reservations beforehand everyone was seeming to have a bearable, if not pleasant time. 

Caleb leaned against the brick wall, enjoying the atmosphere, but happy to simply observe for now. It was amusing, seeing how everyone reacted to this very suburban neighbourhood, and even more so how they reacted to his family. e

Fjord was getting on well with a dwarven man who had joined him at the grill, they were discussing sports or something like that. Fjord always had that easy charm around people though, and it was clear that a few of the women of the neighbourhood thought so too- although they seemed confused if Fjord was available or not.

Bau wasn’t standing too far from Fjord, talking to an older elven couple, occasionally glancing at Fjord as if for approval. She was doing well though, polite and considerate and listening to the couples stories of work or travel while managing to not explode from boredom. 

Jester, of course, was bubbly as ever, flitting from group to group, offering sweets and drinks, her smile was contagious. Younger kids followed her around as she trained them to do her bidding “oh you think I’m cool? Thank you! Now go tell your mom that and I’ll give you another candy~” 

Like Jester, Molly was clearly loving the attention, politely flirting with anyone who seemed receptive of it and telling many captivating ( and mostly untrue) stories. “Oh wow, I’ve never been to Australia, however, I’ve heard there are many dangerous beasts there- which reminds me of that time i was camping and- “ 

And Nott, well, Nott was doing her best. After attempting to join in on some conversations and failing she seemed to be making her way over to Caleb. 

“Liebling,” He said by way of greeting, “You doing okay?”   


“Yeah,” she sighed, “ I just dont think many know what to do when it comes to talking to a goblin.” 

Caleb processed that for a moment, “Would you like me to say something to them?” 

Nott looked horrified, “No. What would you say anyway?!”    
  
“I would say, Hello Beauregard, this person over there has been mean to Nott, will you beat them up.”

Nott snorted, “get the muscle to do the dirty work, makes sense” She rolled her eyes as one of the humans of the street approached, holding the hand of a little boy. “Here we go.” 

The woman approached, her red hair tied into a bun at the back of her head and blue summer dress swaying at her knees. She was quite beautiful, Caleb observed, he was surprised that neither Molly nor Jester were flirting shamelessly with her. 

“Hi,” she smiled warmly at Caleb and then at Nott, “ I just thought I would introduce my boy to you,” she said to Nott. “He’s shy but he likes making new friends.” 

Caleb blinked. But Nott didn’t skip a beat. 

“Hi,” she smiled at the boy, “What's your name?” 

“Bellemy.” 

“That's a cool name! How old are you?” 

“5.”    
  
“Oh wow you’re about the same age as my son”    
  
The woman blanched. “Your son?” 

Nott smiled knowingly at her. “Yes my son, he’s around Bellemy’s age, when he comes round to visit we could organise a play date. He stays with his father most of the year as my work can be very unpredictable and we felt it was better he was in a more stable environment, you know?” 

The woman, clearly embarrassed, recovered her wits quickly “ a play date would be wonderful- I’m sure Bellemy would love that! Wouldn’t you?” 

Bellemy looked uncomfortable. 

“Can I go talk to the blue lady now?” 

“Of course,” She laughed “but her name is Jester remember?” 

He nodded and ran off. 

There was a beat of awkward silence that hung heavy in the air, everyone aware of what just occurred but none planning on discussing it. 

“Well, I’m gonna see how Fjords going on those burgers.” And like that Nott was gone and had left Caleb with the stranger neighbour. 

“I’m Kate by the way.” She reached out her hand which Caleb reluctantly shook. 

“Caleb.”    
  


Another pause. 

“So I hope you don't mind me asking,” Kate began to say with an air of awkwardness, “but what the dynamic of ya’lls relationship, friendship, whatever this is?” she chuckled, “sorry if that came out offensive.” 

“Not at all,” Caleb gave a small smile, “it can be confusing.” he then began to explain the complicated mess that was his relationship to these idiots. 

Caleb was in a romantic and sexual relationship with Mollymauk, Fjord and Jester; and those three were also with eahc other as well. Jester was in a romantic and sexual relationship with Bau but was only romantically with Nott and just friends with Yasha. Yasha was dating Bau and was a queerplatonic partner of Mollys. Caleb was just friends with Nott, Bau and Yasha but considered them family all the same. 

Kate still seemed confused but tried not to show it. “Oh okay, and may I ask where Yasha is? I dont think I’ve seen her around?”    
  


“No,” Caleb confirmed. Yasha had yet to move into the Neins new home as she was on assignment and would not be back in the country for a few more weeks. 

“It must be all very confusing, everyone, dating everyone, don't you get jealous?” 

“ Yes it does happen but we discuss it, communication in any relationship is very important. But we are much more aware of how important it is.” 

“So theres no secrets between ya’ll” 

Caleb's gaze involuntarily found Molymauk, who was entertaining a group of small children with card tricks. “No there are secrets, but generally none about how we feel.” 

“Ah how lucky for you.”    
  


“Yes, I am a very lucky man.”

~

A few days later, Caleb and Mollymauk were sharing a bath. Molly’s long purple hair spilling around them and tickly Caleb's chest. 

“We need a bigger bath,” Molly complained, eyes shut in relaxation. 

“Nein, I think this is a good size.” 

“You just want to feel my naked body against yours.” Molly's mouth quirked at the sides, “perve.” 

“Oh shut your mouth.” 

“Make me.” 

Caleb snorted, his fingers lazily making patterns in the air as he stimmed happily. “I’m not playing with you right now.” 

“A shame,” Molly said with a sigh, smirk still playing on their lips. 

Caleb reached down and placed a small kiss on the corner of their lips. _“Ich Lieb Dich” _

“I love dick too.” 

Caleb laughed and push Molly of his chest. “You’re such a brat.” 

“Ja.” 

Caleb rolled his eyes. Molly stuck out their tongue. The two dissolved into a fit of laughter. 

After a moment of laughter, the two stopped and Caleb found his mind returning to a thought he had been thinking of for a few days now. 

“Hey can I be serious for a moment?” Caleb asked, suddenly a little nervous. 

“Of course.” 

“ I was wondering why you didn’t tell the others about your regression?” Caleb stared at his hands resting in the warm bathwater. 

“I don’t know, I guess I just don't want to give Nott and Bau ammunition to tease me with. Caleb glanced up at his partner, they weren't looking at him. Solid red eyes resting on the painting over the towel rack. A sunflower field and a blue sky, clouds drifting through it- and if you squinted they kinda looked like the shape of a dick. One of the Jesters more subtle works. 

“I do not think they will tease you for this unless you tell them it is okay.” 

“Hmm yeah, your probably right…” Molly swished their tail through the water, creating ripples and small waves. “I’ll think about telling them, maybe wait till Yasha gets back, I dunno.” 

Caleb gently reached over and squeezed Molly's shoulder. “Whatever you decide to do Liebling, I will support you.” 

“That's gay.”    
  
Caleb laughed and splashed water at Molly. “Don’t be homophobic- just beacuse you are a cishet doesn’t mean you get to go around being so homophobic all the time.” 

Molly stared deadpan at Caleb, “how dare you call me a cishet, that's the most offensive thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

Caleb sighed, “Will washing your hair make it up for you?” 

“Hmm probably.” Molly chuckled and slid back close to Caleb, maneuvering to rest their head on his chest without stabbing him with their horns. 

_ “Ich lieb dich mit ganzem Herzen”  _

“I love you with all my heart too.”

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if you liked this and if you'd like me to continue trying to get back into writing! a single comment will give that sweet sweet serotonin that my depressed ass surely needs.
> 
> My tumblr @ThatJettKid.  
kofi: http://ko-fi.com/jettthekid


End file.
